Friendship, Part 1 of 3
Starting this Sunday our gospel readings for Sunday mornings will be the portion of the sermon on the mount from Matthew 5. This is a really beautiful passage about what it means to live in community and what discipleship looks like. But there is one really important aspect of discipleship that I cannot get into in our Sunday morning homilies. I have talked about this before, but one of the overlooked aspect of life that really contributes to spiritual growth and discipleship is friendship. So, for the next few week’s reflections, I want to tease out what this might mean for us. I want to start in what might seem like a very unlikely place. In the 4th Century BC in ancient Greece with a philosopher named Aristotle. His thought on friendship becomes hugely influential in the Christian tradition all the way to the 18th Century.
Aristotle makes a distinction between three forms of friendship: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of good character. Friendships of utility are the majority of friendships and are for the sake of pure self-interest. The second of Aristotle’s types of friendship is built on pleasure. Those who have friends for the sake of pleasure do so for what is pleasant, not necessarily for what is good. Finally, friendships of good character, for Aristotle, have the above two characteristics, but differently. This friendship is not just concerned with pleasure and usefulness as it relates to self-interest, but two people who share a friendship of good character push each other to become better people. The best form of friendship has to do with mutual respect and helping the other become their best selves.
The good friendship is based on “the good” and requires good people who know how to love themselves well. This is important. Because the best friendships are had by those who know how to cultivate self-love. The best kind of friendship is when one person wishes for the other what they would wish for themselves, namely life, health, happiness, and the fulfillment of desires. In loving a friend, we love what is good for them. In this way, friends become good for each other. They point each other towards the good, and together become the good they seek.
Obviously, as Christians we can find a few problems with the above description of friendship. But I do want to draw your attention to three things which I think are helpful. The first is that in order to love others well, and thus be good friends, we need to learn to love and know ourselves. This is a challenge for many, but it is so important for knowing how to love others and point them to a closer relationship with Christ. This leads to my second point. The best friendships make us better people, they help us love ourselves and help us cultivate habits of charity, hope, and faith. Finally, not all friendships in your life will be friendships of good character. But, what if St Paul’s was a place where visitors came and met people who encouraged self-love and pushed them to become better people and more in the image of Christ? This is an ambitious vision, but one I think would be infectious in our community. St. Paul’s, what would it take for us to be people who love ourselves and each other well in 2023?